I have not been updating my blog here at all.whatsoever. Only because I recently started a new blog that involves everything in my life that constantly is on my mind. I think I am going to still keep this one for personal reasons because I don't really want my family/ personal things going to the whole entire world!
Greatest snapshot ever for September 11th.
I have been thinking a lot about life after September 11th, especially this year for some reason. From the day it happened, it has always been such a reflecting day for me, at least. This year it kinda hit me hard. I don't know if it because of having my little boy now or if I am still hormonal. I don't know! But tears have weld up in my eyes which have flowed down my cheeks. I feel more videos have been coming out about the day it happened which have been flowing out all over the television. Snippets of people video taping and taking pictures have been almost nerve wrecking and disturbing to even watch. Some had me thinking, what were these people thinking? What was going on in the minds of those stuck in the towers? Would I have jumped or dealt with being stuck in the top levels? Gosh, if I saw the plane coming towards me what what I do? If I was stuck in the planes, what would I do? Seriously, all these thoughts were coming to my mind about this. Almost disturbing to think that people were probably thinking and reacting fast to these very questions. This is almost the reason why I don't like going to that day because of how depressing it really is.
As I was listening to the wives/husbands/government stories of phone calls, the thoughts of those loved ones that were lost, hit me like a ton of bricks this time around. I think I almost lost it. I did not know of anyone personally who did lose a loved one from this, that I know of, but I do know how emotionally hard it must have been. It made me think of my husband. How such a devoted man he is to any task he is given. I thought of all the greatest qualities of his role as a fantastic father and husband he has been. ( I feel like a debbie downer with this part...) I then was thinking that at an instant for some, that special person was all the sudden gone. No goodbyes as wanted, no hugs, no kiss or last smile. For some, it was terror over the phone with tears. The last way of wanting to say goodbye. That is when I felt like the bricks struck my face. What would I have done?
I was in Utah at my grandparents house at the time while all the shows were on. (and trust me, I was kinda freakin out that I was leaving the next day, on a plane, by myself with my child going home). My grandmother has picture up all over of family and of one of our temples.
I instantly thought of my marriage to my husband. I thought of how grateful I am for the temple blessings and being sealed eternally to him & my family. I was thinking if I was in the shoes were these strong women were who lost their loved ones from such an unexpected and unfortunate event, having those feelings of frustration, sorrow, grief & pain. Thankfully for seeing that picture, it made thinking those feelings pass me by. Trust me, I still would have those hard feelings, but having the gospel and that knowledge of being eternally with my husband, lightens that heavy feeling off. Unfortunately, sometimes in times like this is when you do reflect, but how important I feel it is to do so in life. I am so grateful for my life, even during the hard times. I feel that is when I learn the most...unfortunately. I am grateful for my Savior and all the sacrifices he has gone through for each of us and for his example of love and forgiveness. I am indeed grateful for my family and the temples and having that special opportunity of being sealed to my one and only.
(wowza, long one. Haven't done this forever)!!